pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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