It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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