Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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