it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
