All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
