I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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