Where is the hickey?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
