it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
