So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
