Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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