Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
