apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
