If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
where are my eyebrows?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
