Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
