apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
