haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
