The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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