38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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