I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
