I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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