You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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