Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
