Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize