just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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