either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
