Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
