My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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