i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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