i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
