But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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