i think my tv is drunk
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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