No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
