well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
