i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
