I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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