My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
