So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
