I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
