He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
