i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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