I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
