I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
