she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
