Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
