Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize