Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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