I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
