yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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