Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
