Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
