they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
