My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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