Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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