Im at strip club and am horny
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
