4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
