Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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