You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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