Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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