Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
