Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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