he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
