soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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