just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
