The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
