you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
