these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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