i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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