is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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